To briefly explain: Caleb is a fraternity brother that graduated from UGA last spring, with an apparent major in kleptomania. After a recent visit to our chapter in which several plaques, a flag, a park bench, and assorted odds and ends were taken by him, we came up with the following bit of humor. Therefore in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy,

• Your official nickname was supposed to be "klepto", but you stole the jersey order.
• You can't leave the house because you accidentally stole your own car.
• According to the plaques in your trunk, you made Dean's List 43 times last quarter.
• If you think that anything with two legs that is breathing is fair game
• You deny you stole your girlfriend's virginity on principal.
• You say you broke your thumb "benching".
• You admire Wilt Chamberlain, but think he set his sites too low.
• You consider social diseases to be an occupational hazard

Contributed by various Phi Kapps.