Dear Bringers of Watery Fun,

As one of the ocean’s greatest fans, it was only natural for a friend of mine (Gregory Pauswinski) to give me your Live Pet Sea Monkeys Ocean-Zoo (Kit #650) for my birthday. Noting my love of the ocean, and since I have never been to the ocean (I live 350 miles from the Atlantic Ocean in Waleska GA, population 245), this “perfect gift” really made my day!

As soon as I got back home from what must have been the best birthday party of my life, I opened your gift and eagerly started my own “zoo”. After carefully adding water to the “Micro-Vue Ocean Zoo” (I didn’t spill a drop!), I changed the thermostat to 70 degrees farenheight, and allowed the house to adjust to the temperature. Just to be safe, I bought two thermometers and calibrated the thermostat with them. My mom (Faye) said that maybe I was taking it a little to far, but what does she know about owning an underwater zoo! After I was sure of the temperature, I added the contents of Packet #1 (Item No. 28 Sea-Monkey Water Purifier). As the instructions noted, I then waited an additional 29 hours, 37 minutes, and 53 seconds (the instructions call for between 24 to 30 hours, but I never underestimate the power of precision!). In fact, I used the entire 29 hours, 37 minutes, and 53 seconds stirring the water, since I figured the Sea-Monkeys needed all the help they could get!

As the sweat of anticipation dropped off of my brow (but NOT into the water!), I carefully added Packet #2 (Item No. 31-Instant-Life Sea Monkeys). Following the instructions, I stirred my new little pets for EXACTLY one minute (I had my sister Haley, use a stopwatch), and watched them, as suggested, using a strong light (my desk lamp). At first I was ecstatic! It seemed to me that my new best friends were trying to swim back up to the top of the Live Pet Sea Monkeys Ocean-Zoo (Kit #650) to get closer to their new “zoo keeper”, but them reality set in, and I realized that they were actually floating to the surface because they were DEAD!

Since my family’s motto is “don’t give up”, I tried to sing them back to health, I tried to clap my hands real fast to maybe shock them back to life, hell, I even thought about mouth-to-Sea-Monkey resuscitation! My poor sister (who loves the Ocean almost as much as me) cried for two days, and I got real depressed, but I didn’t give up! I ran back to look at the warranty, which said that I MUST allow 4 weeks for them to grow before I could get a refund.

I must say that this was the last time my hopes were brought back up, because I thought that maybe it takes 4 weeks for them to wake up (do Sea-Monkeys sleep?). Unfortunately, they never did. So for 4 weeks, I had to endure the hardship of a failed “zoo” as my only pets rotted away before my eyes. I must say, the past month has been very hard for me.

So now, still thinking of what my grandfather (J.D.) use to always say, “don’t give up”, I write your company asking for another chance at “Zoo-Keeping”. Enclosed is $.45 and a self addressed stamped envelope. I was going to wait here at home until they arrived, but my mom said that all zoo-keepers need a good education. I agree. Please hurry and send Packet #1 (Item No. 28 Sea-Monkey Water Purifier), and Packet #2 (Item No. 31-Instant-Life Sea Monkeys). I really want another shot at starting a meaningful relationship with your Sea-Monkeys!

One who doesn’t Monkey around,


Samuel Keller Moore

P.S. Could you send some more food also, I want to be sure I have everthing nice and fresh! Also, do you have any shirts or promotional items? I’d love to endorse any company who helps my ocean-bound friends!