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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
- DRINK
| AGE |
DRINK |
| 17 | beer |
| 25 | beer |
| 35 | vodka |
| 48 | double vodka |
| 66 | Maalox |
- SEDUCTION LINE
|
|
| 17 | My parents are away for the weekend. |
| 25 | My girlfriend is away for the weekend. |
| 35 | My fiancee is away for the weekend. |
| 48 | My wife is away for the weekend. |
| 66 | My second wife is dead. |
- FAVORITE SPORT
|
|
| 17 | sex |
| 25 | sex |
| 35 | sex |
| 48 | sex |
| 66 | napping |
- DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
|
|
| 17 | "tongue" |
| 25 | "breakfast" |
| 35 | "She didn't set back my therapy." |
| 48 | "I didn't have to meet her kids." |
| 66 | "Got home alive." |
- FAVORITE FANTASY
|
|
| 17 | getting to third |
| 25 | airplane sex |
| 35 | menage a trois |
| 48 | taking the company public |
| 66 | Swiss maid/Nazi love slave |
- HOUSE PET
|
|
| 17 | roaches |
| 25 | stoned-out college roommate |
| 35 | Irish setter |
| 48 | children from his first marriage |
| 66 | Barbi |
- WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
|
|
| 17 | 25 |
| 25 | 35 |
| 35 | 48 |
| 48 | 66 |
| 66 | 17 |
- IDEAL DATE
|
|
| 17 | Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in |
| 25 | "Split the check before we go back to my place" |
| 35 | "Just come over." |
| 48 | "Just come over and cook." |
| 66 | sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas. |
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
- DRINK
|
|
| 17 | Wine Coolers |
| 25 | White wine |
| 35 | Red wine |
| 48 | Dom Perignon |
| 66 | Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
- EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
|
|
| 17 | Need to wash my hair |
| 25 | Need to wash and condition my hair |
| 35 | Need to color my hair |
| 48 | Need to have Francois color my hair |
| 66 | Need to have Francois color my wig |
- FAVORITE SPORT
|
|
| 17 | | shopping |
| 25 | | shopping |
| 35 | | shopping |
| 48 | | shopping |
| 66 | | shopping |
- DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
|
|
| 17 | "Burger King" |
| 25 | "Free meal" |
| 35 | "A diamond" |
| 48 | "A bigger diamond" |
| 66 | "Home Alone" |
- FAVORITE FANTASY
|
|
| 17 | tall, dark and handsome |
| 25 | tall, dark and handsome with money |
| 35 | tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| 48 | a man with hair |
| 66 | a man |
- HOUSE PET
|
|
| 17 | Muffy the cat |
| 25 | Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
| 35 | Irish setter and Muffy the Cat |
| 48 | Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
| 66 | Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat |
- WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
|
|
| 17 | 17 |
| 25 | 25 |
| 35 | 35 |
| 48 | 48 |
| 66 | 66 |
- IDEAL DATE
|
|
| 17 | He offers to pay |
| 25 | He pays |
| 35 | He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| 48 | He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| 66 | He can chew breakfast |
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